there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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