She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
