Betty ford says i'm here all night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
