I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
