Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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