I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's Friday. Sex?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
