the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
