I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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