I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize