if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
