when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
