Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
