Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
