Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
