Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
