I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
