It's Friday. Sex?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
