I wish i was in the wii world.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
