it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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