party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
