If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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