I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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