i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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