How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
