Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
