How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
