I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
