I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
