Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
