True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
