Don't make out with my wife yet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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