nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
