I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Boobs are out for the taking
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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