the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
