the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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