If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are we still banned from the library?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
