Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Someone came in the potted fern
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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