i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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