I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
