Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
