I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
