Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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