she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
