so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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