when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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