She said her name was "party"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
