the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize