Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
