Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
