yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
