I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
