Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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