Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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