Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
