how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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