And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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