I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
