One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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