I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
