im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
