But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
