Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
