Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
