SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize