oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
