I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
