11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
