Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
