After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
