It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She bit a glass in half.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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