just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
