she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
