I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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