I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize