You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
