I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
