You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
