Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
