He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
