one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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