My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize