in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
