Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
