Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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