I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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