Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
