I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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